Test run: failed
by bublinka
Summary: "What the hell is wrong with you, kiddo?" Handsome Jack wonders in a displeased tone. He doesn't like his orders not being fulfilled. He leans in to read the name of the driver accompanying him on the prototype gun tests on Pandora.


"There is a whole pack of skags ahead, sir." Driver informs Handsome Jack, glancing at the radar. This is the latest model of Hyperion vehicles, equipped with all types of devices.

"Good." Jack replies, taking a new prototype rocket launcher into his both arms. "Stop the car, kiddo. Time to try out this babe." Jack runs his fingers over the gun lovingly.

The car stops, and Jack gets out. He preps the launcher. "You get those ballistic reading devices ready, Professor?" He calls to Professor Nakayama, who is also present for this "Pandora gun tests" as Jack calls them. Nakayama is not exactly the right scientist for weapon design, but he is loyal, and Jack has come to treasure that.

"All ready, sir." The little guy answers. "Maybe you should fire now?" He suggests, the ferocious animals already in sight.

Jack laughs. He surely misses all this adrenaline up there on Helios.

When the skags are barely several hundred feet away, he shoots. The rocket explodes just in the centre of the pack, crushing the animals to a bloody mass. Jack grins, but then his eyes widen in shock. The gun is too powerful, and pushed by the explosive impulse, instead of falling to the ground, the remnants of the bodies fly over him, covering the Hyperion CEO with blood, guts, shit and other nasty inner bits.

"Shit." Jack hisses, wiping his face with a sleeve, which helps little. What bothers him most, his precious new gun is all messy too.

"Get the readings to the Helios, we need a reprogram here," he barks to Nakayama. The scientist nods and gets inside the car.

"You, driver," Jack motions the guy, who also left the wheel to watch the shooting, to come closer. "Is our car equipped with some emergency things? I kinda need new clothes." His shirt, his pants are all soaked through with badly smelling liquids.

"Yes, sir, I think there are some standard Hyperion clothes, I'll bring them at once." Driver nods. For once, being dressed in full Hyperion driving suit with helmet, pays off, there is no way skag parts could soak it through.

When driver returns, Jack has already stripped his coat and spread it on the ground, to put the rocket launcher on it. Pandoran sands are bad for fine weapons.

Jack pulls over his shirt and wipes his stained chest with the clean parts of the shirt. Dropping it to the ground he turns around to see the driver handing out a shirt and pants. The guy is strangely still, his eyes fixed on Jack's toned upper body.

"I don't need you being a fucking butler," Jack mutters annoyed. "Put them down, and clean the weapon." He orders.

The Hyperion guy does as being told, kneeling before the gun and starting to pick the bigger sized bloody bits away.

Jack frees himself from the dirty trousers, which is no easy task, as they are sticky now. His briefs are the only clean garment left on him. After some hesitation, Jack slides them down too, and toss them to the launcher.

"My underwear is probably the cleanest thing on this dirty planet," he laughs, causing the driver to look up at him. "What's good enough for Jack, is good enough for his babe. Use it for cleaning, pumpkin." Then the Hyperion CEO turns his back and bends over to get his new pants. Thus, he misses the hard stare of his employee pointed at his ass.

Finally zipping up his pants, Jack looks at the driver, who is still staring though his visor. Briefs clutched in gloved hands, eyes wide and shocked.

Jack frowns, dropping to his knees at the opposite side of the rocket launcher.

"What the hell is wrong with you, kiddo?" He wonders in a displeased tone. He doesn't like his orders not being fulfilled. He leans in to read the name of the driver on his suit. "It is not as if I were a big boobed slut for you to stare, J. Hanks." He continues, starting to get annoyed with the lack of response.

"I sent the data to Helios, sir," Nakayama returns with an update. Seeing this scene, he arches an eyebrow: "Sir?"

"What is wrong with this guy, Professor?" Jack asks glancing up.

"Nothing, sir. Or everything, because it's not a guy. Joanne Hanks." Nakayama states with an amused grin.

"Oh?" Jack sounds intrigued. "Helmet off, kitten." He orders. This is suspicious, because it is the best Hyperion driver. A woman? He needs to see it with his own eyes.

J. Hanks does this, albeit reluctantly, hands trembling a bit. She looks at her boss. Her face is not a very womanly one. She has short light hair, thin lips and long straight nose. Her light brown eyes are determined and calm. Only reddened flushed cheeks betray her emotional state.

Not at all reassured with her appearance, Jack scans the human before him with his ECHO.

Name: Joanne Hanks

Age: 28

Sex: female

Occupation: Hyperion, driver, assigned to CEO vehicle

Previous occupation: Eden-5 regular army, driver. Stripped of her rank and dismissed from service for fraternization with her subordinate.

Jack chuckles at the information. He is not convinced still. "One more check, kiddo." He whispers, grabbing her collar to yank her up, so her back is straight now. Then slides his right hand over her, hard enough to feel her small round breast through the thick material. He grins at the realization she is indeed a she.

Then his hand slides to her left hip and scoops her gun from its holster in one fluid movement. She gasps as he stands up abruptly, pointing her own weapon at her.

"If your files are true, you're a military veteran. Disassemble my laucher and assemble it back to prove me you're not lying." Jack announces darkly. He is too used to all kinds of spies, and this info is too ridiculous to be true.

She hesitates. "But, sir, this is a prototype..." She watches his face in confusion, but finds no sympathy there. Jack clicks off the safety catch. He is damn serious about it. "You'll manage. And if you don't I'll be needing a new pair of pants again, cause these will be stained with your brains." He laughs at his own joke, seeing her eyes widen in horror. "And I think I'll take your pants, so tight and smelling sex." He adds with an easy grin. He never forgets her gazing over his naked body.

She swallows, not sure what is more unsettling - the fact he is still shirtless or the fact he is holding a gun at her. Then she puts her hands on the launcher.

"No gloves." Jack's voice booms over her. "My baby is too gentle."

Joanne tears off her gloves, and Jack is relieved to see her hands. They are female, small, with shorter ring fingers, and there is no way she could fake them.

He is also relieved when she manages to do his bidding, assembling finally clean weapon with accurate movements. He would hate to find another spy among his employees. And this girl kinda amuses him.

"Now take it up, stand up and give the gun to me. No silly things." Jack warns her in a low voice. Soon, he grabs his prototype weapon by his left arm from her hands.

Then he throws it to Nakayama who is standing still for the last minutes, frightened by Jack's actions. The scientist catches the gun, almost falling under its weight.

"Take the launcher and get lost." Jack instructs him, returning his eyes to his car driver. "I have a little interrogation to do here." He offers her a sweet smile, pushing the gun's muzzle into her muscular abdomen. Joanne nearly chokes at the suddenness of it.

When they are left alone, Jack speaks again.

"So, that fraternization... tell me about it." He urges her, never softening his grip on the gun against her belly.

She takes a breath before answering. "We were riding in a truck with supplies to the field group. We got in a sandstorm, my mechanic and I. I thought we were gonna die, so I said I wanna fuck him. And we screwed. And the search party found us doing it. Then he told them I forced him." She is not too good with words. This convinced Jack she is not lying even more. If she is a spy, then she is a very sophisticated one.

"And you didn't force him?" He suggests, winking at her.

She raises her eyebrows, surprised at his words. "I did. Sir." She adds, as she calms down a bit, despite being at a gun point.

Jack laughs. "With a gun?"

She shakes her head. "I'm not that ugly, sir."

Jacks laughs even more, clearly enjoying himself.

"...so, that's prohibited." He states.

"Aye." She mutters. He's toying with her, she realizes with a frown.

He leans closer to her face. She is tall enough for him not to bend his neck. "Not in Hyperion, you know." He whispers, his breath hot on her cheek.

She surprises him with a cheeky grin. "That's why I applied for this job, sir." She almost purrs, and it does things to him.

"Really?" He chuckles. "So you're still fucking your mechanics in Hyperion garages? How many?" He wonders, an eyebrow arched.

She looks too confident for him to not notice. "Now, or during my service here?" She imitates his hot whisper nearly brushing her lips over his ear.

"Now." He growls, putting a free hand on her shoulder, pushing her to keep the distance between them. She is growing too bold for his liking.

"Three." She watches Jack, defiance written in her expression.

"What a bitch." He mutters under his breath, but there is no denying he is turned on.

He rans a hand up her neck to grip the back of her head, turning her face up, to meet his gaze.

"So, you like being the boss. Why were you all over me, then?" He wonders forcefully.

At last, the deep blush spreads over her face. She breathes heavily remembering his gorgeous body, she is still so close to.

"I asked a question." Jack is not amused.

She shivers at his tone and obliges with the answer.

"You were naked, and I was clothed and armed... it kinda clicked in the right places..." She lets out breathlessly, squeezing her eyes shut, not able to look at his smug face.

She opens them again, feeling him press the gun to her throat.

"You know it is not how it works, kiddo." He says slowly. "I'm the big bad boss here." Jack flashes her a perfect smile.

"Yes, sir." She replies. This is new for her, but she is sure that if he lets her go, she will fall on the ground with the knees that weak.

"I'm getting this fabulous idea, cupcake. You paint all this fucking the mechanics thing so sweet, I really wanna try it." Jack is so near, that his voice is undulating in her body, or so it seems to her. "So be a sweetie, and check my car's engine." He turns her to face the car and motions her to walk to it, the gun now pressed between her shoulder blades.

Joanne shivers. "I'll do it without a fucking gun aimed at me." She grunts annoyed.

Jack clicks his tongue in disbelief. "So needy already?" She doesn't answer.

She stops in front of the vehicle, and opens the capot. "What do you want to be checked, sir?" She asks, glancing at him over her shoulder.

Jacks shrugges his shoulders. He puts the gun back on safety and tucks it into his pants, her eyes following the movement eagerly. "Everything. Do I look like I frigging know how this car works?" He steps behind her, and bends her over all of a sudden, crushing her trained form over the engine parts, pressing her down with his own weight. "Have a close look." He growls at her, grinding his arousal into her butt.

The driver clutches the car sides to get some support. This is too quick, but she admits she wasn't this eager since that sandstorm. The desert and cars are her fetish as it seems.

She tries to play along despite him rocking his hips at her already, one of his hands unzipping her pants. "This car is the latest model, sir." She gasps, as his fingers slide between her legs. "O-o-only checked with cybernetic devices, s-s-sir..." Joanne cries out, as she feels him part from her for a second only to drop his trousers to his feet, the gun following, and to press his hot flesh against her firm butt.

"Useless, incompetent, unprepared..." He growls menacingly, spreading her legs apart with one hand and pressing the small of her back into the car with the other one. Joanne submits, arching her back, propping her ass higher.

"At least good for fucking, aren't you, kiddo?" He groans, getting closer to her, teasing her entrance with his tip.

She only whimpers under him.

"Say it." Jack demands.

"Yes, yes!" She cries out. "I am!"

"You'd better be good indeed," he warns her, sending shivers through her body. And these are his last words, as he enters her forcefully, and rides her like a wild animal.

And she is. Good.

And he is. Handsome

After he is finished with her, Jack remarks in casual tone: "Still not convinced you're not a liar." And he grabs the gun from the ground.


End file.
